Hello, everyone. I'm aaa. Here, I'd love to share some authentic experiences about English study.
In my second term of senior 2, that is, last April, I started to realize the awareness of reorganizing my notes during extra-curricular time. I classified it into three parts: words that have unfamiliar meaning,frequently used phrases and confusable words.
Through consistent accumulation, I gained a great deal of knowledge. Some of notes were assisted by AI models in order to clarify different aspects that require highlighting. And somehow, I was filled with a sense of magic that forced me to keep editing this online data base.
Then I accidentally encountered Etymonline last October, a website established by language experts, which contains almost every single English word and its corresponding roots, such as Proto-Indo-European. Again, I dived in collecting those roots into that document.
And the turning point happened only a month ago. By that time I've copied nearly a hundred thousand words calculated by system. But just I was copying the word"petite", I stopped in no reason. I began to think deeply, the value of my behavior, the meaning of simply transiting words instead of perceiving. I asked AI that once helped me assemble my document, and it said I should cease at exactly this moment. Unexpectedly, I followed this suggestion.
The fact is, I didn't create any knowledge increment. Indeed, I typed numerous words,but they just didn't grasped by me inwardly. After a few days of self-doubted, Neither deleting the document nor suppress my passion for English, I decided to wait when I search for a complex word. I began to understand the word's process of development. Since I've learned abundant of etyma, it's not that painstaking.
Studying is to transfer knowledge into my own frame. It sounds effortless, but it took me a year to admit it.
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1818-1827
回家的路上同学和我聊起关于自慰。因为他之前说过一次他某一天弄了。我和他坦白说。其实我一直不能接受除了我别的男人也会自慰这件事情。其实很奇怪的。我和他说，我也很难想象你也做过这种事。不是说我觉得他很不好，只是说，当我看到他的时候，其实并不能看出来他昨天是不是做过。感觉就是包括我很多朋友，他们也坦言说自己都是自慰的（当然没这么直白，都是隐晦着说的）。
我可能也是意识到，以前的我接受不了我自己自慰，觉得我是个变态龌龊下流的混蛋，是因为我不能理解别人有享受自己身体的权利。而现在，刚才，也许吧，我可能理解了一点点，别人就是自己的投射。我理解了别人的这一部分。也就理解了我自己，和解了。但是我还是有点…难言的自卑吧。因为就这位跟我走回家的朋友，说小学毕业的时候，一个女生跟他说喜欢他。
其实我内心并没有什么波澜吧。但是要是放在以前，我绝对会酸溜溜的。其实现在也酸。朋友说那个女生是幼儿园同学也是小学同学，然后我惊叹于幼儿园的还能有联系方式，然后他说只是因为他感觉有点压抑难受，就有一天（前两天）语文考试的时候，请了假，出来和那个女生在他家底下溜达散步去了。我还以为他们吃了饭，可能是我想多了。
这就不得不提到，五年级我从兰州转到北京，然后有个女生和我表白，然后就那一天，另一个女生告诉我其实是那个女生骗我的事了。
不说了。我真是这世界上最倒霉最丑最没用最没天赋也没财产的废物。
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我左手中指，连着牙龈下面，嗡嗡嗡，一遍一遍的，疼啊。我的右手中指也开始疼了。可能我真的🈶躯体化相关的症状。